Wednesday, May 22, 2013

The disgusting things we do as parents...

Being a parent means sacrifice...

So if you're thinking of becoming one... don't read what follows... or read it and be warned of the sacrifice required....

One of the main things we surrender is our hygienic standard... so sit back and relax, read in amazement how we try to survive.. oh, and don't mind those sticky things on the floor.. they're just crusted boogers..

1. Not showering for several days. There, I've said it.. There were days when the most I could hope for was a wipe down with a baby wipe.

2. Wearing dirty clothes. I've been peed on, pooped on, spit on, vomitted on.... Sometimes I don't have time to change. My tip: wear clothes with busy patterns... they sort of hide the stains...

3. Bathing with my kids. Once Little Man got a bit more independent, I evolved from n°1 to actually taking a shower or a bath... but with my kid... Now I know for some people I might have already crossed a line when I admit to sharing a bath or a shower with my toddler, but trust me... it becomes worse... I've sat in a bath tub with Little Man, while being fully aware that he just peed in the water. I was just too tired to bother with running a new bath. I'm just a bit scared when he starts farting...

4. Peeing in the sink. Due to the lay-out of our house and the presence of a dog, I don't like leaving our toddler and the baby unattended for even short periods of time. I have resorted several times to peeing in the kitchen sink. Oooh, don't worry, I did remove the dirty dishes first.

5. Going to the bathroom with the door open. During parenthood I evolved, I learned, I got more experienced and the kids got older. I don't pee in the sink anymore, but I use the bathroom with the door open...



6. Coffee and milk. It's morning time. J. and I fed the kids, cleaned them up, changed their diapers and we finally can sit down for 2 seconds with, albeit lukewarm, coffee. Then we realise we forgot to put milk in our coffee and we don't feel like getting up again. Don't worry, what's good for the baby should be good for the parents too, right? Some boob-juice in the cup of black gold doesn't taste that bad and at least we didn't have to get up.

7. Biting food in to smaller pieces. I'm at the grocery store and Little Man wants a grape. I'll bite a chewable piece off, before giving it to him. Then he'll chew it a little bit and decide that he doesn't really like it that much. Be prepared to catch that chewed piece of food in your hands.

8. Sleeping in a wet bed. A leaky diaper in our bed at 2am? I'm not changing the sheets at 2am! Change the diaper, throw a towel over the wet spot and get back to catching some Z's..

9. Sucking snot. I've written about this before. Beats wiping off snot with your sleeve.

10. Dirty couch. The amount of food remnants in all the nooks and crannies of the couch might surprise you. I know that they are there, I'm just too tired to care or to clean them up.


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