Friday, April 26, 2013

Snot Sucker

Really.... Seriously.... No other creature in the animal kingdom is so ill-prepared to be born and to be thrown in the harsh reality of the outside world as the human baby...

Why did we get the short end of the stick? Why are we stuck with this small excuse for a human being that is barely able to breath and eat? You watch any show on Animal Planet or one of those fancy BBC nature documentaries where a dude with a fancy accent explains how a new born elephant starts walking within 5 minutes of being born or how the baby tiger is sharpening his hunting skills just hours after being expelled into this world...

We, humans, are stuck with these small creatures that shit and piss where they lie... not able to walk , not even to turn around on it's belly to change it's perspective on the world...

The most baffling thing is snot.... yes, snot... , the clear, yellow or green (yes, it comes in a variety of shades and colors) stuff that seems to be in abundant and unlimited supply in any baby or toddler. You would think that nature has found a way for human babies to get rid of all that snot.... and guess what? It hasn't ... While the baby chimpansee is swinging from the trees, our babies are lying in their own piss and shit, while their face is covered in 50 shades of snot... Apparently, despite our massive brains, the technique of blowing your nose can only be mastered after several months ex uterus...

So what do you do as a parent? Your kid is running around with his face full of wet and dry, crusted snot..., acting like a human fly catcher with all the small bugs and flies that seem to get stuck in this nasal mucus. His head is all congested, he's got a headache and soon his ears will get infected too.. What do you do?

Introduce the Snot Sucker !!! Yes, you've read it correctly... Snot Sucker... It's really God's gift to parents, although be it a somewhat tainted gift. How do you get the snot out of a toddler's nose? What about something that can create some kind of suction by which to suck those nostrils clear of any green or yellow colored substances?... And I'm not talking about those little pear shaped devices that you sqeeuze and never give you the full snot-sucking satisfaction. Those suckers are for wimps... I'm talking the real deal here... I'm talking about 'parent-powered' suction... I'm talking about the NoseFrida...

From the picture above you might guess how it works... One end goes into your child's snot-filled nostril..., the other end goes into your mouth to provide that 'parent-powered' suction... My wife has tricked me into being the designated nose-sucker. She said this would be a great bonding opportunity for me and our children since I'm missing out on the breastfeeding bonding experience... I'm not sure if it's on the same level, but I'll take what I can get... So while the baby dolphin is swimming next to it's mother, communicating with her using all kinds of fancy sonar and echo location stuff... I'm chasing our 2.5 year old with a snot sucker in my mouth... You wonder how the human race ever evolved and survived...


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5 comments:

  1. Any blog that starts with a post about snot-sucking is definitely going places. But it reminds me of an unfortunate gasoline-siphoning incident.

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    1. A man's got to do what a man's got to do.. But I agree... I started my blogging career in style...

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  2. Just bumped into your blog...funny, I had ordered a snot sucker on amazon and received it this week. I am wondering how did we LIVE for 3.5 years with my daughter and no snot sucker :) I am right there with you, chasing my 2.5 year old son with the snot sucker...my daughter thinks it's pretty awesome to see what's coming out of her nose. Yuck, I know, but at least she doesn't run away ;)

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    1. Thank You! I appreciate your comment. I've just started blogging and I'm hoping to keep doing it for a while. My son has also evolved into thinking that sucking snot is the most awesome thing on the planet... Our dog,unfortunately, is not safe anymore..

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